4 Steps To Dealing With A Break Up

When I was 21, I went through one of the worst break ups ever. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost two years and lived together for one. We were also engaged for a few months. There'd already been a lot of conflict in the relationship and one night, we had an explosive fight. The following morning, the tension was still thick in the air and we fought about the tension. He left to go for a walk and never came back. He didn't pick up any of my calls or respond to any of my texts. This was on a Saturday morning. On Monday, I came home from school and all his stuff was gone and there was only an angry note scribbled onto a torn piece of paper. To say I was devastated would be an under statement and I learned a lot from it. I learned how to deal with a break up and the best way to heal. Below are 4 ways to deal with a break up.

1. Accept your feelings and realize that they are only temporary.

When I read that note from my ex-fiancé/ boyfriend, I was shocked, heartbroken, furious, devastated and a lot of other emotions all combined into one. That happened when I was 21. I'm 26 now and I'm happy to say that I don't give a fuck about that incident anymore. When I think about it, I don't feel strong emotions towards it anymore. I've moved on.

Feelings are temporary and the only feelings that last are the ones we put effort into. Yes, you're feeling whatever your feeling right now but this won't last forever. It's a natural process to feel things. It means you're human. Let them take their course and just know that they'll go away when it's time.

2. Build a support group.

When you go through a break up, it really disrupts your entire life. I was used to waking up early with my ex, making breakfast together, texting throughout the day and then coming home to him and going to sleep together. After he literally disappeared from my life and wouldn't respond to any of my calls or texts and didn't give me the closure I wanted, I was in a really tough spot. Who do I talk to now? He was my best friend and I told him everything.

I texted and called every friend I could think of and luckily, when you're going through a break up, people become are a lot more accommodating of you. People that I hadn't talked to in over a year showed up at my house to be there for me. I started texting and calling and spending time with other people. You really need people around you to make you not feel so alone when you're going through a break up. And even if you're like 21 year old me, who neglected her friends and became consumed by my relationship, you can reach out to people still. Tell them what you're going through and you'd be surprised by the kindness and openness that they show you.

You are not alone.

3. Start with the basics and create a new routine.

My entire day revolved around my ex. After all, we lived together. We did everything together (which is really unhealthy, by the way) and when we broke up, I had no idea what to do. Who do I cook my meals with? Who will go grocery shopping with me? Who will I go for runs with? But just because he was my old routine, it doesn't mean he was the best one for me. Our routine also included getting stressed out and fighting almost every single day. I needed a new routine.

Instead of balling up in a corner and letting the break up consume me, I focused on accomplishing small feats every day. I made sure I brushed my teeth twice a day, showered daily, ate at least one nourishing meal, took a walk or got some form of physical exercise and talked to someone at least once a day, even if it was just small talk about the weather. It may seem intuitive and natural to do these things, but when your heart has been shattered, even breathing feels like a heavy burden. These small acts of taking care of yourself eventually build into a routine. They are small but important and powerful.

4. Care about something else more.

I don't mean that you should run off and try to find someone else to date and care about more than your ex. Doing that is just masking the problem rather than fixing it. You're not solving anything. You're just finding a new person to have the same problems with.

The person or thing you need to care about more is yourself.

When you go through a break up, it's a fresh new start. Yes, it sucks that the life you had before will no longer be there but this is your opportunity to build a new life. Now that you're single, all you have is time. Take advantage of this! Think about what you've always wanted to do with your life. What is the one thing you've always wanted to do? What is the one thing that will make you feel so satisfied that every night, when you close your eyes to go to sleep, your heart feels full?

For me, I can do that by working on this blog. This blog gives me a platform to help give people strength when they're in dark times. It serves a greater good other than myself and that makes it much more important than thinking about or crying over an ex. By spending all my free time on my blog, it also keeps me distracted. It's a win-win. I help myself by temporarily occupying my mind and I help everyone else with my posts. Find something greater than yourself to fill up your free time and you'll feel a lot better.

I'll end this post with a quote.

"Where you movin'?"
I said, "On to better things."

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