Why She Says "Nothing" When She's Clearly Upset

I was on a snowboarding trip and while in a cabin with a group of friends, I found myself talking to a single 34 year old man who insisted that women are confusing. He said if he asked a woman what's wrong and she said, "nothing," then he would just leave her alone and that would make her even more mad. I told him that's exactly what he's not supposed to do and that there is a right thing to do in this situation.


Don't get me wrong. A mature woman would communicate her feelings, rather than saying "nothing" and expecting the guy to guess. However, some women aren't quite there yet and walking away when she says "nothing" won't help her to realize what she needs to do in the future.

Why do women say "nothing" if they're clearly upset?

In a guy's mind, when he's upset, he doesn't even need to be asked what's wrong. If he's not saying anything, it's because he's still working out the solutions in his head. Once he has figured things out, then he'll fix it. Problem solved. Naturally, as human beings, we tend to think others think in the same way we do so we treat others the way we want to be treated. In this instance, if someone asked him what's wrong, and he said, "nothing", then he wants to be left alone.

In a woman's mind, when someone asks her what's wrong and she says, "nothing", there are a number of different reasons why she would say that:
1. She's too frustrated and overwhelmed with her emotions to tell you. Some women feel their emotions as physical feelings. In those cases, if she were to tell you what she's feeling, she might yell. To avoid creating a fight or a scene, she says "nothing" because she knows she's not in the right state of mind to express herself calmly.

2. She doesn't think you'll understand, care or know how to solve her problem. Most of the times, it seems to go over a guy's head what he's done "wrong". I went to lunch with a group of my guy coworkers once and one of them said, "My girlfriend's mad at me. She's sending me short texts and ignoring me." I asked him, "What'd you do?" and he replied, "Do we ever know what we did wrong? If I knew, I would've already fixed it." For women, it can get really frustrating that guys rarely know what they did wrong so it feels like a waste of energy to even bother.

3. She doesn't want to talk about it. Women are known for wanting to talk about everything nonstop and how venting, even if we don't come to a solution, makes us feel better. But surprisingly, sometimes I realize a problem is really small and it'll just get my feelings all worked up again if I talk about it which seems like a waste of energy. I'd rather just forget about it than tell you. Nothing against you, I'm just ready to move on and not deal with it anymore.

4. Nothing is actually wrong. Meh, sometimes I have a RBF (resting bitch face). Don't keep asking if I say nothing cause then I'll actually get annoyed.
Unfortunately, there is really no way to know which of these four is the cause of her "nothing" unless you ask. Fortunately, there is a right way to react to every single one of these instances that'll make her feel better!!!

As I said earlier, it's a well known fact that women love to talk and that we do not necessarily need a solution. We just want to feel understood and that someone has our back. That goes a long way. Solutions are not always needed. If she says "nothing", regardless of the reason why she said it, all you need to do is show her that you care and that you have her back.

Tell her,
I want you to be happy. I'm here if you want to talk and if I did something wrong, I want to make it right. I'm sure we can work through it together.

And that's it! You are showing her you care but that you also respect her boundaries and space. Depending on the woman, hugging and holding her can also help. If you're hugging her then you literally have her back which feels awesome. Also, hugging releases the chemical hormone oxytocin which is what makes her feel all fuzzy inside!